Communicate and Enforce Audience Etiquette

Concerts would be a lot less stressful if everyone in the audience would just do everything I want them to do … and stop doing the things that drive me crazy.

What I want: For the audience to get here an hour early, be completely silent and don’t move. And take some vitamin C two months in advance so we don’t have to hear any coughing during the slow pretty piece.

What I don’t want: Audience members talking during pieces, people using iPads to take video with the brightness cranked up to “Supernova,” and the group that plays the who-gets-the-last-clap game — oh, how I hate that stupid clapping game.

Alright, I know I got a little carried away here and my expectations are a bit unrealistic, but my kids have worked hard for this concert.

What did I do? I changed how I approached concerts. I came up with a list for myself —not the audience — of three musical boundaries. Anything more than three would be too overwhelming for the audience.

Once I started doing this, performances became more enjoyable for everyone.

Everything else? I let go. I couldn’t look stressed and expend energy on things that didn’t matter. If something serious happened, I needed the audience’s goodwill. They wouldn’t exactly be on my side if I gave the stink-eye to that crying baby or coughing grandparent.

That doesn’t mean I gave the audience a free pass on everything. It means I need to decide ahead of time what affects the students and what just annoys me.

Decide What You’ll Address Before the Concert

Before each concert, identify the three expectations you’ll address if violated. A limit of three forces me to prioritize.

You may land somewhere close to this:

Address: Anything that disrupts the performers mid-piece — sustained talking, clapping games, calling out names during the music. These affect what’s happening on stage and are worth addressing.

Let Go: Applause timing, phone screens lighting up, a baby crying for 30 seconds before a parent handles it. These are annoying, but they’re not emergencies.

The Let Go list may be harder to stick to than the Address list. When you decide in advance that you won’t address something, your goal is to stop visibly reacting to it. If you’re a person who wears your emotions on your sleeve, this can be difficult, but not impossible. This doesn’t mean that you don’t care or that it’s a choice you would make as an audience member. Instead, we’re showing the audience and our students composure.

What you select to address or let go may be determined by cultures and traditions, previous expectations and even logistics. If your school has a gym that holds 1,000 people but a parking lot that holds 50, you may be a little looser on audience members entering a few minutes late.

I find it helpful to write the list down. If you’re like me, you may need it taped to your music stand where only you can see it.

Communicate the Address List Before the First Note

Have you ever had someone upset at you but you don’t know why, and they won’t tell you? Not only is this frustrating, but it’s a lose-lose situation for everyone. So, once you know what you’ll address, tell the audience.

Use a tone that says, “This is information,” and not, “You better not speak out of turn.”

Here’s what I say right before the first piece: “A few things before we start. Phones on silent — not vibrate, silent. If you need to step out, wait for a break between pieces. And please, no calling out to performers during the music. They’ve worked hard, and they need to stay focused. I promise that you’ll have plenty of time to cheer at the end.”

You’ve named your three things to the audience without lecturing or giving them a complete history of concert etiquette. You told them why this is important to their students.

Put this in the printed program or concert slide as well. Avoid a 12-point list — they’ll check out by the fourth item. People will read and remember three things.

One practical note: if you’re using a QR code instead of a printed program, acknowledge this. Give the audience 30 seconds to open it, then ask them to flip their phones face down. If you ask people to use their phones for the program and then ask for no phones during the concert, you’ve addressed the contradiction before anyone points it out.

What to Do When You Have to Enforce

You established the guidelines and told the audience. Now someone decides to break them. What do you do?

First, address it from the stage. Give one general reminder to the room.

But then, it starts again. So now what? This is where you can get more direct. “I asked you to stop. The students on stage have earned your attention for the next three minutes.” Don’t stare anyone down, overexplain or apologize. Just begin the next piece.

If it continues after that, you have two moves. Turn the house lights up and let the room see what’s happening — that alone usually ends it. Or ask your administrator, if one is present, to handle it from the back.

The second option only works if you’ve had the conversation with your administrator before the concert. I wouldn’t spring this on them unless something serious happened. Before the concert, speak to your principal or the administrator who will be present. Explain that you’re working on making the concert better for the students and the audience. List your three things and ask them directly if they’ll back you up if something gets out of hand.

Most will say yes. Some will even take a position near the back of the audience, doing their best bouncer impersonation. You’re not asking them to manage your event. You’re giving administration a goal, a solution and asking for their support.

Multiple warnings with no follow-through don’t work. Each one that slips by makes the next one harder to address.

Conflict-averse people may have trouble with this. Consider reframing it this way: If you say “yes” to poor audience behavior, you’re saying “no” to your students’ ability to perform in a room that feels respectful and safe. It’s not comfortable, but sometimes it must be done.

The Fights You Should Lose on Purpose

Some fights are worth losing before they start.

At our recent spring concert, I told the audience: “I’m going to recognize our senior band members by reading each name and having them come to the front of the stage. I’d ask you to hold your applause until the end, but you’re not going to listen to me, so just go ahead and clap after each name is read.”

Everyone laughed. This may sound like a lighthearted joke, but it shows the audience that you’re reasonable. That gives you more room to address the things that affect the performance.

Prepare Your Students for What They Can’t Control

Audience behavior doesn’t just tick off a director. A student who hears their name called from the bleachers during a passage loses focus. A section that can hear side conversations may feel like the audience doesn’t care about them. Take five minutes of rehearsal time to address this.

I tell my kids to treat it like a parade. Eyes front, stay in the music, don’t react to the room. If something happens in the audience, your job is to keep playing — not to bring more attention to the audience issue.

This also applies when your students are sitting in the audience watching other groups. If your kids are talking, they’re telling you something about your expectations. Address it there, not just when they’re on stage.

It Usually Takes Three Concerts

The first concert with a new audience or new expectations is the hardest. You’re establishing what you’ll accept, and some people will test it.

This may feel strange at first for families. Some people hear a new expectation and immediately think about what they’re losing — calling out their kid’s name during the piece, recording whenever they want or walking in during the music.

The second concert is easier. They’ve seen what you’ll address and what you’ll let go. Most will adjust.

By the third concert, the pattern is set. Families that attend regularly know what to expect. New families take cues from the ones around them.

You’re gradually building a room culture — the same way you build a rehearsal culture. It responds to the same things: clear expectations, consistent follow-through and a teacher who knows what to do when something goes wrong.