The Booster Club Isn’t Your Boss

You’re six minutes into your planning period when a parent walks in holding a clipboard, a coffee and bouncing with the kind of energy that only comes from group-texting at 2 a.m. She smiles, sits down and says, “So we had a great idea at last night’s meeting …”

You weren’t at that meeting. You weren’t told that there was a meeting.

What follows is a list of fundraisers, events and purchases — all with dates and price tags — none of which were run by you first.

Sound familiar?

It doesn’t take long to learn that parent groups can be powerful allies. However, if you’re not careful, they can also run straight past collaboration and into micromanagement, and it usually starts with moments just like this one.

Let’s talk about how to set boundaries with your booster club — and why your program will be stronger for it.

Be Nice, But Start With a Boundary

In your first year or two, the idea of saying “no” to any kind of help feels ridiculous. Especially when someone shows up offering money, time or volunteers — all the things you desperately need.

So, you nod politely and thank them. You say yes. Even when their ideas conflict with your goals or their plans overextend your already maxed-out schedule.

I’ve been there. I remember a parent asking if we could do a pancake breakfast fundraiser in the middle of our concert prep week — and I said yes because I didn’t want to be the person who crushed enthusiasm. So, instead of rehearsing, we were flipping pancakes and borrowing cafeteria tables. Great fundraiser, but a disaster for the ensemble.

If you don’t set boundaries early, you’ll spend years trying to walk them back.

When a parent group starts planning without your input, say something right away. Be warm and professional, but clear. Try: “Thanks for taking initiative — I’d love to be looped in early next time so we can make sure this supports our teaching goals.”

You don’t need to go into defense mode. Just make it clear that you’re the one who decides what fits the program and what doesn’t. You’re not being bossy. You’re just doing your job.

It’s easier to draw the line before it’s been crossed too many times. Otherwise, you’ll end up spending a lot of energy undoing plans you didn’t make in the first place.

Fundraising Doesn’t Equal Control

This one’s tough because we all want to say yes to fundraising help. Uniforms, music, travel, instruments … there’s always a need. Boosters are often ready to jump in with ideas and energy, but fundraising doesn’t mean they get to call the shots.

I’ve had parents tell me, “Well, we already raised the money, so we figured we’d just go ahead and order [insert a thing we didn’t ask for].”

That’s when the awkward conversation starts — because now I’m saying no after they already did the work. Nobody likes being in that spot. Now I’m the jerk — and they already ordered the thing we didn’t ask for.

Just because someone raises the money doesn’t mean they get to decide how it’s spent. That’s your job — with your admin’s approval. If a parent offers to fundraise for something you don’t want or need, you’re allowed to say no. Even if they raise unrestricted funds, you still set the priorities.

I’ve had to say, “I appreciate your work on this, but right now we’re focusing on instruments and materials for beginning players. We’ll pass on custom polo shirts this year.” Was that a fun conversation? No, but it reinforced a key point: The program’s mission must lead the money, not the other way around.

Try to avoid the trap of “well, we already raised the money for it.” That’s not how school finance works — and if you’re at a public school, it’s likely a legal gray area, too.

You’re not being ungrateful. You’re doing your job. You’re allowed to keep the focus on what students need most, even if it’s not what a parent group is excited about that month.

Don’t Let Logistics Override Learning

Here’s what can happen: You get sucked into planning car washes, T-shirt orders and pasta dinners — all with the idea that they’re “supporting the program.” Suddenly you’re knee-deep in T-shirts and pasta sauce and wondering why your jazz kids still don’t know their parts.

Meanwhile, you’re spending less time on literature, assessment and ensemble development. I’ve looked at a concert folder the night before rehearsal and realized I didn’t prep a single measure of music that week because I spent my time managing fundraisers. That’s a wake-up call.

If the booster club’s efforts start pulling focus from your core teaching goals, it’s time for a reset.

Your job isn’t to keep the social calendar full. It’s not to make sure every parent’s idea gets implemented. Your job is to run a music program that teaches students how to grow as musicians and people.

Yes, a spaghetti dinner might build community. However, if it means you didn’t finish preparing your chamber group for contest, it’s time to reassess. That doesn’t mean you can’t have fun, creative fundraisers or events. It just means teaching must come first.

Sometimes, you have to explain to parents why you’re scaling back: “We’re going to skip a few events this semester so we can really focus on building the ensemble. I want our students to feel proud of what they accomplish musically.”

If they push back? That’s okay. You’re allowed to decide what’s worth your time.

Your Admin Has Your Back — If You Loop Them In

Too often, teachers feel stuck in the middle between pushy parent groups and unresponsive administrators. In my experience, admin teams are far more likely to back you up when you’ve kept them in the loop. The key: Do not wait until things explode.

If a parent group is stepping out of bounds — booking travel, spending money or making plans without approval — document it and bring it to your admin. Don’t wait until you’re so frustrated you want to blow up the whole relationship.

Try: “I really value the booster group’s support, but we’re running into some conflicts around decision-making. Can you help reinforce some guidelines for collaboration moving forward?”

I’ve had admin help me reinforce budget policies, set up a communication chain and even send a reminder email to parent leaders clarifying roles. That only worked because I brought the issue up before it became an emergency.

Good admin teams will back your leadership — but only if you let them know what’s going on.

You Can Say “No” and Still Be Collaborative

This is the big one. Saying “no” to an idea doesn’t mean you don’t want to work with parents. It means you want to build a structure that makes collaboration sustainable.

Start with clarity. Put your expectations in writing — even a one-page handout or email can do wonders. Include things like:

• How funds are approved and used
• Who makes final decisions on trips and purchases
• What kind of help you need (and what you don’t)
• How and when you want to be involved in meetings

You’d be amazed at how many issues vanish once everyone knows the system. Most parents aren’t trying to step on toes — they just don’t know where the line is. So, show them.

Here’s a real example from a friend’s program: A parent once offered to “help” by booking travel for our band trip. She was trying to be helpful, but she made calls, picked dates and even started collecting checks — all before she shared the itinerary with the band director. Once a written process was put in place, things calmed down. She still helped — but within a system that supported, rather than sidelined, the program.

When booster groups know the system, they’re more likely to work within it. And when they feel heard — even if their idea isn’t used — they’re more likely to stick around and help again.

You’re Allowed to Lead

If this all feels awkward — like you’re afraid of offending someone or sounding ungrateful — remember this: You are the music educator — not the parent with the clipboard. You know your students, your goals, your building and your limits. You’re allowed to lead. In fact, you have to lead.

Parent groups can be incredible partners., but only if the relationship is built on respect — not pressure. If you’re clear and consistent, they’ll usually follow along.

And your students will be better for it.